I spent all day long at the library. I had a really wonderful time, but I really should have structured in a break somewhere to go for a walk and eat something healthy and feel the sun on my face. Instead, I worked all day, and this evening I stopped at the grocery store on my way home and picked up fried chicken. What was I thinking? Well, I thought it would be easy and quick, but, now I feel like crap.

Amid all my excitement, I also feel so very alone this evening. Alone. There, I said it. I’ve checked email every hour, talked with my mom for a few minutes (no, that’s not right..I was entirely too grumpy when she asked if I’d done anything new or exciting), chatted with another friend for 5 minutes on IM, but still it’s midnight and I am alone. The only people I’ve talked to since Thursday afternoon are a grocery store checkout person, a very helpful reference librarian, and two people at the circulation desk. That is it.

I know that there are things I can do to make it better, but not many at almost midnight on a Sunday evening. I also know that a lot of this is stress, lack of sleep, lack of exercise, lack of green vegetables, and a lack of other F2F people in my life.

It is times like these that I ask, what the heck was I thinking when I picked up and moved a thousand miles from home? My inner guide tells me, I must have wanted it this way. I was bored and wanted challenges. Something was missing. Now there are still some things missing, and I have so many challenges that I don’t know what to do with them all. When I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I am so excited by the abundance I have created in my life.

I guess I have to remember that learning something new (or lots of new things) is not supposed to come easy.

Would you believe that someone nominated me for EGSA vp, treasurer, and a spot on the composition committee? Damn. What were they thinking? I was trying for the comp committee, but an officer position — what’s the scoop on that?? Anyway, I need to decide quickly if I want to accept or decline any or all of the nominations. Decisions, decisions. The ambitious side of me says, “count me in!” The pragmatic side of me says, “woah Nellie!”

Well, enough of all this for right now. I need to focus… For now, I’m going to go turn on the radio, do some more reading, and darn it, feel good about all of the abundance in my life and not worry about the rest of it right now. Worrying is so counterproductive.

Besides, my coffee is ready. I’m going to use the mug with the book on it that Lillian gave me last year for Christmas. :-)